The Year of the Injury

I had barely gotten over my fractured Christmas rib. MOCKBABOY is suddenly into spray bottles. Yesterday, unbeknownst to me, he had experimented with furniture polish and our wood floors. The result? Well, you can imagine. They are beautiful. Dangerous, but beautiful.

8:30 p.m. MOCKBABOY and I are checking out various trains on the computer. The phone rings. I run to find the phone. Time stops. Best I can figure, I tapped into that Einstein relativity deal. My feet, in black nylon socks from work, hit the Pledge on the hardwood. As they came up over my head, they exceeded the speed of light. I fell so fast I actually got slightly younger.

When I came to my senses, I could only groan. The phone was still ringing, mocking my excruciating pain. I was pretty sure I'd broken my right elbow. I was absolutely sure I was a dumb-ass.

Feeling better today, just embarrassed. I hope this isn't what's coming in the future. I can do with a single year of injuries from time to time, but not too often. I don't heal like I used to, you know?

It's Been Too Long

I've been so busy fighting to keep my job with all the socialized medicine stuff going on right now, I've neglected this, my favorite blog. It's time to catch everybody up on who I believe is the coolest kid going.

Christmas was a blast, of course. He really got into it this year. Well, sort of. He was a bit overwhelmed with everything that was going on. We went to lots of family stuff, ate way too much...Will's favorite still seemed to be the boxes, wrapping paper, and especially the wrapping paper tubes. We sword-fought until we were both whelted red and laughing hysterically.

Only one problem with Christmas this year...I barely remember it.

December 18: I tried to be "Tim The Tool Man" and unplug the dryer lint from the vent tube that runs directly up through our unheated attic. You know what you call an uninsulated aluminum tube with warm, moist air on the inside and cold, dry air on the outside? Well, stupid, yes...but in chemistry, we always called them condensation tubes. That's what they're for - making water appear on the inside of the tube. When you add billions of tiny pieces of cotton lint, a mixture between oatmeal and concrete in consistency collects in the tube. By December 22, our dryer would no longer work, so I went to investigate. I was tapping on the aluminum tube upstairs to see just how far up it was plugged. My foot missed the ceiling joist by about 0.0005 mm, resulting in a faster-than-gravity fall through the sheetrock in our spare bedroom. Fortunately, my fall was broken - by my right ribs landing on the ceiling joist. I recovered enough to go to work the next day, although it took just about all I had. I got better, slowly, until...

December 22: I sneezed. I felt/heard something in my right side crack. A pain that defies description went through my right side. Every horrible thing I've seen in my career as a doctor flashed through my mind, making the very real pain even more unbearable...

"I've broken a rib..."

"I've lacerated my liver and I'm now bleeding to death..."

"I've punctured a lung...do I need a chest tube?...am I losing consciousness?..."

You get the idea. My poor son, who was with me while MOCKBAMOM was out, was horrified. I was kneeling on the floor, paralyzed with a pain like nothing I've ever felt before. I tried to get him to go find the phone, to no avail. Eventually, I had to suck it up and get on my feet. It took all the Marine in me just to hang in there till I could call MOCKBAMOM and get her to come get me and take me to the ER.

The ER doc was not terribly impressed, apparently. I got a good opportunity to see how that feels. I've made doubly sure not to dismiss people since. X-rays were negative (shocker). I was literally bed-bound for 24 hours. I pulled it together enough to make it to MOCKBAMOM's parents' house on Christmas Day, with a lot of help from Vitamin P (percocet).

Hopefully, that'll be the last time I ever need Vitamin P. Great for pain, but felt like my head was in a sack for a week.

______________________________

New Year's Eve/Day:

Relatively Uneventful. Recovering from Christmas.

February:

MOCKBABOY's third birthday extravaganza. Thomas the Tank Engine was in attendance, as well as all of our sweet family. We had a super-deluxe moonwalk bouncer (SUPER-FUN!!!) which was enjoyed by all. Will sort of missed out on the "terrible twos". He's decided to make up for it this year, apparently...starting now.

March:

April:

May:

MOCKBABOY is now climbing out of his crib. Will have to transition to Big-Boy Bed soon. He has been sleeping with MOCKBAPARENTS for about 2-3 weeks. Last night, tried a new technique. I gave him lots of advanced warning, then placed the "baby gate" up in the doorway to remind him to stay in his room, which has been thoroughly toddler-proofed. We'll see how it works out.

Memorial Day Weekend: Got a new SUV: Love it! I especially love the giant, gas-guzzling, ozone-depleting engine. Every time I crank the massive thing, I imagine several roughnecks getting a paycheck and buying food for their kids. And probably some beer and/or meth, but mostly I try to picture the food for their kids. I'm just doin' my part, man. Just doin' my part.

I've felt a bit nostalgic for the old MOCKBAMOBILE. I drove a lot of miles in that thing. It served us well. Rest easy, my old friend. You'll be running drugs in Mexico soon. Vaya con Dios.