The Year of the Injury

I had barely gotten over my fractured Christmas rib. MOCKBABOY is suddenly into spray bottles. Yesterday, unbeknownst to me, he had experimented with furniture polish and our wood floors. The result? Well, you can imagine. They are beautiful. Dangerous, but beautiful.

8:30 p.m. MOCKBABOY and I are checking out various trains on the computer. The phone rings. I run to find the phone. Time stops. Best I can figure, I tapped into that Einstein relativity deal. My feet, in black nylon socks from work, hit the Pledge on the hardwood. As they came up over my head, they exceeded the speed of light. I fell so fast I actually got slightly younger.

When I came to my senses, I could only groan. The phone was still ringing, mocking my excruciating pain. I was pretty sure I'd broken my right elbow. I was absolutely sure I was a dumb-ass.

Feeling better today, just embarrassed. I hope this isn't what's coming in the future. I can do with a single year of injuries from time to time, but not too often. I don't heal like I used to, you know?

It's Been Too Long

I've been so busy fighting to keep my job with all the socialized medicine stuff going on right now, I've neglected this, my favorite blog. It's time to catch everybody up on who I believe is the coolest kid going.

Christmas was a blast, of course. He really got into it this year. Well, sort of. He was a bit overwhelmed with everything that was going on. We went to lots of family stuff, ate way too much...Will's favorite still seemed to be the boxes, wrapping paper, and especially the wrapping paper tubes. We sword-fought until we were both whelted red and laughing hysterically.

Only one problem with Christmas this year...I barely remember it.

December 18: I tried to be "Tim The Tool Man" and unplug the dryer lint from the vent tube that runs directly up through our unheated attic. You know what you call an uninsulated aluminum tube with warm, moist air on the inside and cold, dry air on the outside? Well, stupid, yes...but in chemistry, we always called them condensation tubes. That's what they're for - making water appear on the inside of the tube. When you add billions of tiny pieces of cotton lint, a mixture between oatmeal and concrete in consistency collects in the tube. By December 22, our dryer would no longer work, so I went to investigate. I was tapping on the aluminum tube upstairs to see just how far up it was plugged. My foot missed the ceiling joist by about 0.0005 mm, resulting in a faster-than-gravity fall through the sheetrock in our spare bedroom. Fortunately, my fall was broken - by my right ribs landing on the ceiling joist. I recovered enough to go to work the next day, although it took just about all I had. I got better, slowly, until...

December 22: I sneezed. I felt/heard something in my right side crack. A pain that defies description went through my right side. Every horrible thing I've seen in my career as a doctor flashed through my mind, making the very real pain even more unbearable...

"I've broken a rib..."

"I've lacerated my liver and I'm now bleeding to death..."

"I've punctured a lung...do I need a chest tube?...am I losing consciousness?..."

You get the idea. My poor son, who was with me while MOCKBAMOM was out, was horrified. I was kneeling on the floor, paralyzed with a pain like nothing I've ever felt before. I tried to get him to go find the phone, to no avail. Eventually, I had to suck it up and get on my feet. It took all the Marine in me just to hang in there till I could call MOCKBAMOM and get her to come get me and take me to the ER.

The ER doc was not terribly impressed, apparently. I got a good opportunity to see how that feels. I've made doubly sure not to dismiss people since. X-rays were negative (shocker). I was literally bed-bound for 24 hours. I pulled it together enough to make it to MOCKBAMOM's parents' house on Christmas Day, with a lot of help from Vitamin P (percocet).

Hopefully, that'll be the last time I ever need Vitamin P. Great for pain, but felt like my head was in a sack for a week.

______________________________

New Year's Eve/Day:

Relatively Uneventful. Recovering from Christmas.

February:

MOCKBABOY's third birthday extravaganza. Thomas the Tank Engine was in attendance, as well as all of our sweet family. We had a super-deluxe moonwalk bouncer (SUPER-FUN!!!) which was enjoyed by all. Will sort of missed out on the "terrible twos". He's decided to make up for it this year, apparently...starting now.

March:

April:

May:

MOCKBABOY is now climbing out of his crib. Will have to transition to Big-Boy Bed soon. He has been sleeping with MOCKBAPARENTS for about 2-3 weeks. Last night, tried a new technique. I gave him lots of advanced warning, then placed the "baby gate" up in the doorway to remind him to stay in his room, which has been thoroughly toddler-proofed. We'll see how it works out.

Memorial Day Weekend: Got a new SUV: Love it! I especially love the giant, gas-guzzling, ozone-depleting engine. Every time I crank the massive thing, I imagine several roughnecks getting a paycheck and buying food for their kids. And probably some beer and/or meth, but mostly I try to picture the food for their kids. I'm just doin' my part, man. Just doin' my part.

I've felt a bit nostalgic for the old MOCKBAMOBILE. I drove a lot of miles in that thing. It served us well. Rest easy, my old friend. You'll be running drugs in Mexico soon. Vaya con Dios.

Happy Halloween!

I was pretty excited about Halloween this year. Our son is getting to an age where he really enjoys things a lot. That said, I was also a little bit worried that it wouldn't be as great as I remember it being from my own childhood.

Things have changed a lot in our country over the past 30 years. The sense of community that was so prevalent when I was a kid seems to have almost disappeared. It's hard to know your neighbors like you used to. I feared that Halloween, always a favorite of kids, would show clear signs of the strain.

Much to my delight, however, it seems like Halloween is back, and back in style. We started walking around our little neighborhood, and I was pleasantly surprised to find lots of houses with obvious signs of participation. Everybody was in high spirits. Everybody bragged on our kid and how cute he was (always a favorite of any parent). By the end of the night, our Thomas the Tank Engine candy bucket heavy with loot, we drove to our favorite fire station to give a little gift to the guys who couldn't be with their own kids on Halloween, and to get some pictures with the "fy-twucks". Mockbaboy was exhausted, and the fire station trip was a little more like trying to wrestle an alligator than a good photo-op. Nevertheless, we had a great time, and a lot of laughs.

My wife and I drove the short way home with a new sense of faith in humanity. The world hasn't gone completely crazy after all, perhaps. We still live in a great area in a great state with some really great people. My hopes that my son will have as magical a childhood as I did are once again buoyed. We're gonna be alright.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

The Pumpkin Train

I may have written before about my son's fascination with trains. Every day when I get home now, he's replaced our daily routine of looking at pictures of fy-twucks on the computer to looking at pictures of "choo-choo twains".

I've tried to take this interest to the next level, by taking him to train yards and stations on the weekends. It always seems to end the same, though. He loves them from a distance, but they terrify him up-close. For several months it's been this way. So when my wife told me about a "pumpkin train" this weekend, I was a bit hesitant to get too excited about it.

We arrived just in time for the last train of the day. We climbed on board. No tears yet. Eventually, almost imperceptibly at first, the train began to move. A look of alarm briefly crossed Mockbaboy's face, then melted into complete joy - "We wydin' duh twain!!!"










The train drove for about 5 miles, then came to a stop at a small but very neat pumpkin patch. The kids all had a blast. There was a hayride, a spacewalk bouncy thing, and some other smaller stuff to keep them occupied. The little guy and I took a little walk to investigate some of the surroundings.

He picked out a pumpkin that weighed about 400-lbs. He ran all over the place. We finally talked him into getting into the spacewalk. That was a particularly big step for him, and he made it all the way inside and almost bounced a couple of times before he screamed for me to rescue him. We found an old barn and some rusty old farm implements - he had a blast rummaging around and investigating them.

Eventually, we all loaded back up on the train and headed back to the station. One of the conductors offered to let Mockbaboy see the engineer. He made almost made it all the way there before collapsing in a fit of panic. Oh, well. We still have a little work to do, apparently. It was a great day. I got some superb pictures. Fall is finally here, and I couldn't be happier.

The Vaseline Incident

It's been quite a week. So when I got home tonight and found that Mockbaboy was taking a late nap, I gladly jumped at the opportunity to crash briefly myself. I woke up about an hour-and-a-half later, not really knowing where I was. I immediately wondered why the little guy hadn't stirred. I got a little bit worried.

I got up and walked down the hall to his room. I cracked the door ever so slightly and peeked in. He was wide awake, watching Curious George. "Hi, Daddy", he said innocently, standing up in his crib. "Hey buddy"...there was a weird smell in the room, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Something didn't look quite right, either.

I turned on the light. My son was sort of glowing. Maybe glimmering would be a more accurate description. And he looked wet all over, his hair matted down. Where did all this water come from???

I went over to him and touched his head. In horror, I drew back my hand, now covered in some sort of...goo. This goo covered him. It covered each and every possible surface of the crib. It covered his sheets. It covered all his stuffed animals. It was one of those kinds of messes that only a child can make. The kind of mess that takes lots of time and dedication. The kind that we'll be cleaning up for a long time.

I called for my wife. We both just stood there, looking down at the little grinning halfling that had wrought this destruction. All we could do was laugh. Well, laugh and take pictures with my cell phone.

He cried when I put him in the tub. He cried even more when Mockbamom tried diligently but unsuccessfully to scrape the Vaseline out of his hair. Eventually we gave up and ate dinner, his hair plastered to his head in a most unnatural fashion.

Thank goodness for the web. We looked up "how to get Vaseline out of hair", and found that this is a favorite of a lot of kids. Corn starch was the apparent antidote. We took turns alternately holding him in place in the kitchen and scrubbing the white powder into his locks. He cried again when I had to put him back in the tub to wash out the corn starch. It was only modestly successful. This is going to take a while, apparently. I think we are going to cancel his scheduled hair cut appointment for tomorrow. Unless, of course, they have some magical secret for getting out Vaseline. Never a dull moment, right?

Our Day at the Zoo

I took the day off. I had been at a conference, of sorts, in Atlanta, and had missed out on some quality time with the little man.

We went to a "Tots at the Zoo" class together. Mockbamom decided to stay behind to get some quality alone time - much-deserved.

We arrived just in time. We went to the little classroom reserved for us. There were four children with four parents. My little boy was way more interested in the plastic dinosaurs and animals in the plastic bins at the back of the room than he was in anything our poor tour guide had to say. Nevertheless, I took the opportunity to try and train him to be polite.

Today's lesson was about frogs and toads - every boy's favorite. Mockbaboy adored all of them. He stared into the big aquarium filled with turtles, frogs, and toads, as if communicating with all of them. He was pretty excited. He got especially worked up when one of the turtles started swimming toward him.

We eventually all made our way out into the larger zoo exhibits. Our focus on toads and frogs was soon lost - the kids (all boys, incidentally) were far too interested in the large cats, otters, and ferrets. Eventually, the class broke up and we were left to our own devices.

We made a good effort at seeing more of the zoo until Mockbaboy decided it was time to ride the carousel and the zoo train. The carousel was a blast. By the time we were on the train, he was about done with the whole thing. He was tired, a little hot, and the train whistle kept scaring him. It did give me an opportunity to let him lean on me, under my arm, as I stroked his curly hair. Life would be a void experience for me without such moments.

We slowly made our way to the concession stand for drinks, then out to the car. We'd had a great afternoon together. I've decided it isn't about what we do. It is simply about spending time together. I will cherish today in the special part of my heart reserved for exactly these sorts of moments. I will remember stroking his little innocent head on the train for the rest of my life. This is truly what my life is about. I can't wait for our next little outing.

Our Beach Boy

I had to go to Florida for a work-related deal last week, and the family came with me. The little guy loved the beach this time - it sort of scared him last time I think. A giant sandbox for his trucks...what's not to love, right?I've been wanting to get some good B&W shots with my 35mm camera, and so we planned a photo shoot for the last day...the only day my schedule would allow it. Of course, this meant that a narrow strip of heavy rain absolutely covered the Florida panhandle all day. I had just about given up when the weather broke just long enough to allow me to get some good pictures. Hope you all enjoy.